All of Me
by Bernie Boosie
Summary: I lock my thoughts away in some dark part of my mind, carrying on, with plastic smiles and painted on contentment, they think I’m moving on, I’m getting better, but it doesn’t go away, it’s imperishable these dark bits of you that stay with me. HGRW


**Disclaimer: **I own basically nothing, most of it is J.K. Rowlings, but it is based loosley on 'My Immortal' by Evanescence, which I don't own.

**Rating:** PG, basically this is just an 'in case' thing, you never can know what might offend someone.

**Summary:** Ron goes off to fight in the war and Hermione is left behind. Based on the song 'My Immortal' by Evanescence but is NOT a song fic angsty R/Hr

**A/N:** So I was mad, and I was listening to the Evanescence C.D. and this song came on, and I was just so inspired to write that I turned on my computer right away, and put my C.D. player on repeat so I heard it over and over again. I sat there with an empty page for a while, making my story line, and then this just came. So I hope you like, please keep in mind that this is NOT a song fic.

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**All of Me

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I'm so tired of being here in Hogwarts. It's my last year, and normally I'd be buckled down studying harder than ever, but for once school doesn't matter. I just need to be away from here, from all my childish fears. Away from your presence that seems to linger here. _You already left, why are you still here?_ All the memories, every corner I turn brings another one. Stabbing me with pain, but I cover it, I won't admit that inside I know he's gone, he can't be.

These wounds won't seem to heal, they just keep being opened as I make my way to class. As I pass a certain room, or look through a certain window. This pain is too real, locked away inside me, not open for the world to see. And people tell me it'll get better, they say I'll get over it, but too much has happened, and time will never be able to erase it all.

Through this window I see, a memory to painful to remember, but it comes running through my mind like a muggle film. A memory of tears and pain, I can see myself, wiping that tear out of your eye as you explain to me what had happened to Charlie. And a tear, similar to yours, starts to form in my own eye, but I wipe it away hiding my fears and sorrows.

As I pass this door I remember you telling me, the reasoning for your arachnophobia, your constant fear of spiders. I had stifled a laugh and reassured you that it was not ridiculous.

I feel more tears forming in my tear ducts, but I wipe them away, shrugging them off with a shaky smile. As I walk through this hall I remember holding your hand, so big and callused, tightly in mine. It had felt so natural, my hand that felt so tiny in yours, you had blushed the first time I had grabbed it, we both had.

I feel like we've been together forever, I've had so much of you, but it's not enough. I still need you here, holding me tight, letting me be me. You took a part of me with you that I fear I'll never get back.

You had captivated me from the moment I saw you, with your red hair and that smudge of dirt on your nose. You captivated me with your resonating light, it was something I had never seen before, the way you acted, talked, smiled. You were somehow foreign to me, you were so much richer than everyone else I knew; not in a money sense, but in the sense that you were you, Ronald Weasley, so truthful that it hurt, but I loved the pain.

The fights we got into were so different from any other fights I had ever been in, I loved them, not the fact that you were mad at me, but the fact that I knew you cared so much that you'd risk losing me, to make sure no one else had me.

And now I'm stuck here, bound by the life you left behind. Your face, swims in my dreams, it had been a pleasant occurrence at one time, you appearing in my sleep, but that was lost when you left. Your voice is low and rough in my head, telling me to stay here as you go off to fight, a constant ringing in my ears, telling me to stay here where it's safe, telling me to wait for you, wait for your return, unharmed. It was such a beautiful thing, your voice, low and quiet, but it's so wrong now, a joke, it seems to have chased away my sanity, another thing I can't get back, not without you.

You left to keep me safe, safe from the aches and pains of war, but those same aches and pains write dreams across my mind

_He's ok, he must be, Harry would never let him die. He'll return soon, look across the room, is that red hair? It's him, returned to you just like he promised… He's safe, safe and waiting to return. He would laugh at you sitting here worrying while he's sitting safely inside by a nice warm fire. He'll return soon, He must._

Pains that will never heal. Dreams that will never come true.

Your face is burned on the back of my eyelids, making me fight back my tears all night until I'm to weak to keep my eyes open. I don't want to see your face, I don't want to relive the memories, I don't want to imagine what's happening to you right now, I don't want the pain to come back. I lock my thoughts away in some dark part of my mind, carrying on, with plastic smiles and painted on contentment, they think I'm moving on, I'm getting better, but it doesn't go away, there's too much, it's imperishable these dark bits of you that stay with me, time won't make it go away.

I remember when we thought that Ginny was dead, you had cried so much. I wiped away every tear softly touching your smooth skin. I remember when you were screaming of how they had Harry, how Harry was surely facing his death, and I had soothed you. Chasing away all the fears with soft touches and softer words. I remember holding your hand as we ran, side by side, through the forbidden forest, electricity pulsing through our veins connecting us, never letting go, not even now, you still have all of me.

Part of me continues to say that you must be alive, that you'll return in a matter of weeks, days, minutes, but as the days end, as I wait through sleepless nights to awake to not a letter from you, but the silence of your absence, solitude seems to engulf me, an ending seems to rise and I can't seem to find a beginning. And though I can still feel you with me, I feel so alone. And maybe you haven't been with me all these years like I've thought, maybe I've been tricking myself into believing something better then what I was living, a mundane existence wrapped in a fairytale. I'm starting to feel like I've been alone all along and this is just bringing the reality of it to my eyes.

You only cried one tear when you had to leave, I had wiped it away. Feeling the warm salt water against my finger, and my own tears had slowly leaked through my eyes. You were scared the day you had to leave, and I had comforted you, telling you that you would surely be all right, as my own fears were growing deeper into my mind. You had squeezed my hand tight before you left, crushing the frail bones in it, but I just squeezed back, determined to remember the feeling of it, so large in mine. And I missed you from the second you left, wishing you had never left my side.

I miss you in the morning, when I wake up, walking into the common room searching for your messy red hair. I miss you when I'm sitting at breakfast and you don't come walking in, late because you slept in. I miss you when I go to my classes through out the day and I hear no sarcastic remarks. I miss you when I'm sitting in the common room and your not there to contradict what I say. I miss you when I'm at dinner and I see Malfoy's arrogant face glancing over at the Gryffindor table and your not there to grind your teeth or make a rude hand gesture. I miss you when I'm going to sleep at night and your not there to say goodnight to. Because you still have all of me.

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**A/N Continued: **So that ended up being really short, but if you'll look at my story 'Fire' you'll see that it is also very short, I don't know what it is about my fics based on songs, but they are very often short. Don't know why, but I'm not in the mood to think too much, so why don't you just give me a nice long review. Give me a review if you liked it, didn't like it, don't really have an opinion on it, have criticism (I always welcome criticism!), or because you just are in the mood to say something random, or if you are feeling none of the above please still review. If you do not review you are not my friend! LOL 


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